Wednesday, January 23, 2013

my days

My life is my kids. Wow...that is a statement that the 20 year old Abbie would have NEVER thought would happen. In fact, back then I told almost everyone I met that I didn't think I would ever have kids.

11 years sure changes a person. Or does it?

I love my kids. Period. But I don't think being a stay at home mom is what He put me here to do. I know there is more to my story, more in my future and other challenges that lie ahead. But for now I am being challenged to take on this role of stay at home mom. A role that so many people (you online blogging moms know who you are!) make look so easy. A job that I struggle to survive on a daily basis. But we get through each day, Sam, Avery and I. We grow together, we learn, we laugh, we fight and we love everyday.

Once again being in a new town with no friends and no support system makes this stay at home mom job even that much harder. And while I was really feeling like I had a handle on all of it back in Waunakee, now, here in this unfamiliar place I am floundering again. I am struggling.

SO, I am trying my best to dive head first into my job as mom. If this is what I am meant to do right now, then let me do it with my WHOLE self. The girls are not in school right now so we fill our days with some interesting stuff. We have swim lessons, a science class and a library program that help get us out of the house. But most of the time we are here at home.

And here is what that looks like!

My girls love workbooks. We spend quite a lot of time at the kitchen counter doing "school work".

 And crafting is a must, which means my dining room table is more often used like this than for eating.
 Reading is a daily (maybe hourly?) thing. There are books in every room but the front room is our "library".
 The basement is reserved for the times when they are bouncing off the walls and need to run (or ride or scooter) off some energy. I kind of love having this huge unfinished space right now.

 We play princesses A LOT! The princess castle is always crowded with creatures of all kinds. It doesn't really matter what size or kind, anyone is welcome at a party at the castle.
 And no Ariel is not hanging herself...Sam made a swing in the ballroom!

 We play "school" ( kids haven't caught on that they are really learning and not just pretending! ha!) with our new magnet board.
 And we do projects! 
 Lots and lots...
 of projects. 
 All of that fills our days, teaches my girls, keeps them happy, growing and playing. But it doesn't fulfill me. Keeping them happy, fed and in a clean house doesn't make me feel happy.

Sam will start full time kindergarten in the Fall and Avery will go to preschool at least part time. I am hoping at that point to go back to work full time. Which means I have seven months. And I need to enjoy these seven months. I need to soak up every minute of this time with my girls. They are little and won't be for much longer.
But I just can't get my heart and attitude to match with what my head knows I should do. I just can't be happy in the here and the now. As my parents use to tell me quite often growing up, I need an attitude adjustment! If only I knew how to do that...

1 comment:

amber said...

Oh Abbie! I so feel for you. I can totally relate to how you feel, only I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, until I was one. I feel lucky to have been able to share those 3 years with my kids, but it is hard. Hang in there, it is hard in the winter with people not out and about as much, but I know you will soon find friends, how could a sweet person like you not? Let me know if you ever want to meet up somewhere, it may be a bit of a haul, but there is the Children's museum in Galesburg where we could meet. (I realize that doesn't help you meet people in your community! :))