We have all had it happen. You get asked to do "something". You know the kind of "something" that will require your time, talent, money, etc. but is helping out, giving back, volunteering and getting involved.
So there are with two options...
Do you a) say yes you would love to knowing full well that you don't really have the time, money or energy to committ but will figure it out somehow OR b) say sorry but no you just don't think you can?
For those that say option A this means you will inevitably face added stress, long nights, expenses you can't afford, time away from family or time not doing the things that people are suppose to do in their free time (things called hobbies, do people still have those?).
For those that say option B how long does it take for the guilt to set in? The guilt that keeps you up at night laying there worrying about the relationship that you may have hurt because you said no. The guilt that makes you think about how you can rearrange everything else in your life, undoubtably disappointing other people or yourself, to try and go back on your no and tell them yes.
I grew up with a mom that always said yes. There was not a committee she didn't serve on, an event she didn't run or a bake sale she didn't bake for. Somehow she got it all done. But she was stressed, overworked and running around like crazy all the time. My sister has adopted this method. Somehow they are able to deal with the stress, smile and just get it done. I fail at this. I do NOT handle stress. BUT I have also kept myself somewhat disconnected so that I don't get asked to do a lot (which is, I am realizing, a bit sad), until recently.
All of a sudden I am being asked! And I am saying yes. And suddenly I felt the stress. I DID NOT LIKE IT. So, the next thing I got asked to do I said no. I wanted to do it and was excited to be involved but it would have required major schedule shuffling, money, lots of time and stress. But now the guilt has set in. It is all I think about. And it is driving me NUTS!
I just can't decide what is worse the stress that I grew up watching or the guilt I am currently experiencing. Which do you choose and how do you deal with it?
2 comments:
If you figure out the correct answer to this please pass it on to me! I waffle back and forth...I go through phases where I say yes and make myself nuts, stressed, tired, overworked trying to get things done. When I say no, and I have a very, very hard time doing that, I feel guilty. What if they can't find someone else? Also, what if someone takes my "no" to mean I never want to help? Sometimes are just better than other and I'm afraid if I say no I'll somehow get off the "list" of people willing to help. I often wonder if men feel this same type of guilt, stress, etc.
I cherish all the people I have worked with while serving on committees and have long forgotten that stress. You just do what you need to do and keep on moving!
Post a Comment