scary mistake

I dropped her. Yesterday I dropped her. Don't worry she is fine; no real damage done.

We were walking in from the store and I had her in the car seat hanging on my arm. We got into the house and I don't know how but the car seat slipped off of my arm and landed on the tile floor in our entry way! She immediately started screaming. I, however, did not/could not go to her aid because I had dropped the car seat directly on my left foot!! I have never felt a worse pain in my life; labor wasn't even that bad. I thought for sure my foot was broken. I dropped to floor and started crying (yes I am a big baby but DAMN DID IT HURT!). Chris came running in and came immediately to me. I told him I was fine to check on Sam. He picked her up and got her calmed down. She was fine, just really scared and shaken up. I was still in real pain. My foot wasn't broken, just badly bruised and I will most likely loose my big toe nail. You should see it today...DISGUSTING! The whole thing was terrifying. I was worried for her, that I had really hurt her. Chris very quickly reminded me that the car seat is made to keep her safe in car accidents so a drop from two feet is probably not going to do any damage.
Later in the evening I started feeling really guilty that my first reaction was to recoil in pain and not immediately go to Sam's aid. Isn't a mom suppose to not even feel their own pain in situations like that and only be concerned about their child? Why did I not have that instinct? When my sister was eight months pregnant with her first she fell down an entire flight of stairs and the whole time she was falling she had her arms wrapped around her stomach, completely protecting her unborn child. She didn't care that this meant her legs and arms were getting stripped of skin as she continued to fall, she was only concerned about the baby. Those are real motherly instincts. Where the hell are my instincts? I feel like I failed, in a tough situation I failed Sam. No, she wasn't really hurt. But in that moment, when I was on the floor crying on the other side of the room, and she was screaming in her car seat, I didn't actually know for sure that she was okay. I really feel horrible about dropping her but feel even worse that I was more concerned with myself in the moment than her.
It is really getting hard to not just feel like I totally suck at this whole mom thing.

Tonight is the Sentry Chirstmas party and while it is not the most exciting night out ever I am really hoping that a night out with friends will get me back in a positive frame of mind.