It's about me.
Whether we make it through the day with one time out or twenty, is about me. No spankings or ten, is about me. Whether we get through the day with smiles or tears, is about me. Sam's bad days are pretty much the same as her good days.
I have a stubborn child. I have a smart child that knows how to test me, knows how to push my limits and absolutely knows when she is doing something wrong. But she feeds off of my energy.
I recently read a post from a very smart momma about having a month of yes and I thought that it seemed like an impossible task. How would I survive even one hour of saying nothing but yes and doing everything she asked me to do? This thought made me realize just how negative I have been with her lately. I am always yelling, always correcting and always criticizing her. No wonder she rebels against me, I must be awful to live with. I also realized that because of all the negativity and frustration that I have I rarely ever hug my daughter, we don't laugh that much, we never have tickle fights anymore or cuddle.
This is not good.
But again, it has more to do with me, than it does with her. I need to remember that she is only two. I need to separate her actions from who she is. I need to remember that I love her unconditionally. I need to be her example of patience, compassion and understanding.
I always thought I needed her to fear me in order to get her to do what I wanted her to do. But it isn't working. She doesn't fear me no matter how much I try. All I am accomplishing is getting really frustrated and driving a wedge between her and me. So, I am trying a different tactic with my daughter. I am just going to try and love her. Try and get her to want to do the right thing. I am picking my battles. I am biting my tongue when before I would have been correcting. I am being patient when we have the time. I am letting her be the unique and independent two year old that she is. I am not just letting her do whatever she wants but the way that I talk to her, correct her and handle discipline needed to change and that is what I am trying to change.
I still tell her not to stand up on the couch 16 times a day but I try to say it each time in a calm and controlled manner, rather than losing my cool and screaming at her for simply not remembering that it is not okay to stand up on the couch. Or getting so excited about a book or TV show that she can't help but stand up.
I am trying to smile, laugh and have fun with my daughter more. It has been one day and it was a good day. We will see how tomorrow goes.
4 comments:
I learned a lot of this in the parenting classes we took.
I still lose it here and there but everything goes more smoothly when you pick your battles and demonstrate patience.
Even if the patience is 100% fake.
Ahem.
I'm about to start bawling because of how much this post hits home. It's a look back in time to when Miss A was 2.
Have you read "Biblical Parenting?" It's an answer to the people who use the Bible to justify the "spare the rod, spoil the child" approach. The book helped me tremendously to find gentle ways of dealing with the kids -- I think I need to reread it. Anyway, I think you'd love it. It's by Crystal Lutton.
I needed this today. Thank you for being real and for getting it through to me.
Have you been looking in my window? This is exactly what I realized the other day. My actions and reactions are what determines if we have a good day or a bad day. I often say that I'm tired and that is why I'm crabby or short with them. But I realized that if I don't excuse my children's behavior and their whining because they are tired, why can I use that to excuse my own. Between this amazing post and "the month of yes" post I'm making a concious effort to play more, yell less and think about how my actions/reactions are affecting my kids.
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