meal times suck!

Alright moms out there...I NEED HELP!
My daughter has become horrible at meal times. She is learning how to use silverware. If I put the food on the fork/spoon and then hand it to her she is pretty good at getting it in her mouth, when she feels like it. Sometimes the food gets flung across the room, sometimes the food gets rubbed into her hair and sometimes it gets thrown back at me. I can only handle playing the odds with the silverware on occasion; sometimes I just need her to eat a good dinner and NOT make a huge mess. But she doesn't like to be fed really anymore, if silverware is involved she wants to be holding it and doing it herself. If I try to force her to eat by me feeding her she flings her arms around and makes an even bigger mess. She also does not like to eat with her hands that much anymore and this method still makes a huge mess because no matter how much I discipline she continues to throw food on the floor (and right now she takes whole HUGE hand fulls and shoves them down inside her high-chair). So, right now after a 20 minute battle or so I am so frustrated and she is so disgustingly filthy that I give up, clean her off through her screams (for whatever reason she HATES to have her hands and face wiped) and take her out of the chair even though she has not gotten much of a meal.
I want her to continue growing but if this doesn't get better I am seriously considering going back to bottles and formula!!
WHAT DO I DO?